Lisa Paolino
S-R Parents Council
January 29, 2007
Are kids who learn empathy for others less likely to carry out rash, violent acts?
About a month ago, I was working out at the gym when the breaking news came on the television about the high school shooting in Tacoma. It made us all stop and listen. An older gentleman struck up a conversation about the problems with "kids today." He asked what happened to a simple fist fight. His point of view was that kids today are not taught values.
How do we teach values to our children? Unfortunately, there are no precise guidelines.
Melissa Pittz, an elementary school social worker in the Mead School District, says she sees that children are growing up in a culture of high expectations which can easily develop into a sense of entitlement (her own children included). She notices that children sometimes internalize negative values, such as winning at all costs, and strive for popularity and status. Kids have a great deal of pressure placed on them by their parents to exceed, whether academically or extracurricular.
This is why she feels that this type of behavior can be damaging. Pittz says that children who are from affluent families, who have everything given to them and who have everything done for them, learn no sense of self. These kids, she says, are those most likely to suffer from depression.
"At an elementary level, the way to counteract the sense of entitlement is to give children the opportunities to solve their own problems, with guidance, and to be exposed to others that are different than themselves and to develop empathy," she says.
She gives examples such as helping with food drives and raising money for a cause the child could get involved in.
A member of The Spokesman-Review Parents Council also agrees with teaching empathy. Dora-Faye Hendricks writes, "Having empathy for others is known for making a big difference between kids who grow up to be caring individuals. It needs to be nurtured very early in our children's lives."
An important way to learn values is by modeling. What children see every day at home will help shape their values. Parents who try to give their children everything by pushing them to be the smartest, get the best grades and excel in sports are missing the basics of simply sitting around together and talking. In her book "The Price of Privilege," author Madeline Levine writes: "While demands for outstanding academic or extracurricular performance are very high, expectations about family responsibilities are amazingly low. This kind of imbalance in expectations results in kids who regularly expect others to take up the slack, rather than learning how to prioritize tasks or how to manage time."
Pittz says that while schools are teaching values, these lessons are limited. Parents need to understand that schools are required to teach academics, she says. Yet in schools, character traits are taught throughout. For example, a teacher may be asking about stealing. Students reply that they did not steal. The teacher poses another question. But did you stop another student from stealing?
Schools are one venue to learn values, yet the ultimate responsibility falls on the parents. They should teach their children what is right and wrong, good and bad. They should provide children with opportunities to make their own decisions and to grow from those decisions. In these conditions, it is not a downfall for a parent when a child fails. The failure is not letting them try.
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Always have a backup bus plan
The Spokesman Review
By Lisa Paolino October 16, 2006
Our 5-year-old twins started kindergarten this year. Along with going to school, they also get to ride the bus. They love riding the bus; I'm not certain what they enjoy most – school or the bus.
But riding the bus poses some safety concerns. One rule dictated by our school district is that kindergartners are not allowed to leave the bus without an adult or approved sibling waiting to take them.
Knowing this, I thought it prudent to arrange for a backup just in case something kept me from being at the bus stop after school. As my husband and I strolled down the street one day to the bus, I explained that I had spoken with a neighbor, who also has a child on the bus, and asked if they could meet our children if necessary. They agreed.
"Those children are your sole responsibility. There should NEVER be a time when you can't be there," my husband says.
I take a deep breath.
"I may get in a car accident," I explain.
"Then you get the ambulance to take you by the bus first to get your kids," he replies.
I'm taking a deeper breath now.
"I may fall down the stairs and break my leg."
"Your mother fell down the stairs, blood everywhere, and still made it to the phone," he answers.
OK, I could see this was going nowhere.
By this time, we had reached the bus and the kids were coming off. I told the driver that the neighbors have permission to get the kids in my absence. The driver was appreciative and went on his way.
Despite what my husband says, a backup plan is a good strategy for several reasons:
1) It will comfort your children by letting them know that they have a safe place to go in your absence.
2) Giving the bus drivers an alternative will help them to do their job. And it saves time so that the children will not be required to be driven back to the school.
3) Lastly, parents will have peace of mind knowing that their children will be out of harm's way.
A backup plan for the safety of your children is sensible. We all know too well that schedules don't always go as planned.
To prove it: The very next day, I was busy cooking dinner and noticed the time on the clock. I reminded my husband that it was past the time to get the twins.
He flew out the door, but he never made it to the bus stop. The kids were in the neighbor's yard.
My only response was, "See why we needed a backup plan?"
I did not get an answer
By Lisa Paolino October 16, 2006
Our 5-year-old twins started kindergarten this year. Along with going to school, they also get to ride the bus. They love riding the bus; I'm not certain what they enjoy most – school or the bus.
But riding the bus poses some safety concerns. One rule dictated by our school district is that kindergartners are not allowed to leave the bus without an adult or approved sibling waiting to take them.
Knowing this, I thought it prudent to arrange for a backup just in case something kept me from being at the bus stop after school. As my husband and I strolled down the street one day to the bus, I explained that I had spoken with a neighbor, who also has a child on the bus, and asked if they could meet our children if necessary. They agreed.
"Those children are your sole responsibility. There should NEVER be a time when you can't be there," my husband says.
I take a deep breath.
"I may get in a car accident," I explain.
"Then you get the ambulance to take you by the bus first to get your kids," he replies.
I'm taking a deeper breath now.
"I may fall down the stairs and break my leg."
"Your mother fell down the stairs, blood everywhere, and still made it to the phone," he answers.
OK, I could see this was going nowhere.
By this time, we had reached the bus and the kids were coming off. I told the driver that the neighbors have permission to get the kids in my absence. The driver was appreciative and went on his way.
Despite what my husband says, a backup plan is a good strategy for several reasons:
1) It will comfort your children by letting them know that they have a safe place to go in your absence.
2) Giving the bus drivers an alternative will help them to do their job. And it saves time so that the children will not be required to be driven back to the school.
3) Lastly, parents will have peace of mind knowing that their children will be out of harm's way.
A backup plan for the safety of your children is sensible. We all know too well that schedules don't always go as planned.
To prove it: The very next day, I was busy cooking dinner and noticed the time on the clock. I reminded my husband that it was past the time to get the twins.
He flew out the door, but he never made it to the bus stop. The kids were in the neighbor's yard.
My only response was, "See why we needed a backup plan?"
I did not get an answer
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
The Dabbling Mum Photo Entry
"You're my brother." "You're my sister." "You are my best friend." 1st Place Winner of the June 2006 The Dabbling Mum Photo Contest
Photo by Lisa Paolino
Monday, April 03, 2006
2nd place winner in contest by
The Dabbling Mum.com
There's beauty in movies; in the way they allow us to escape reality, to learn new things, and to dream new dreams. Yet, I can't help but wonder, shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't our lives reflect the movies we've watched? If we watch what we believe, shouldn’t we be what we watch? And what about romance novels? Are we what we read? Do words take over where we leave off?
Years ago, a man told my dad that my current love relationship was not working because I read too many romance novels. He said that I wanted my life to be like the characters in a book. My dad’s response was quite unexpected. He replied that a love life can be like a romance novel, it should be like a romance novel. Love should be romantic. In other words, life can be full of romance and sweep-me-off-my-feet feelings. To this day, my father does not believe in Valentine’s Day as a special day for love. He believes that everyday is for love and everyday is another day to show it. He doesn’t buy flowers for my mom on Valentine’s Day; he buys them spontaneously throughout the year, for no reason at all. Isn’t that the best reason?
After contemplating my dad’s heartfelt philosophy, I decided that I wanted to live a romance novel, a chick flick movie; I was not going to settle for anything else. It would take over 10 years before love hit me like a movie that leaves you crying at the end, with silent tears streaming down your face. It was like watching a movie, dreaming that what happened in it would happen to you. It was like reading a book that was written by someone who read your mind and knew how you wanted it to end. I longed to be sent roses for no reason, to get tingly all over from the sound of a man’s voice and to miss someone so much that I’d fly a few thousand miles to see him, if only for two days. I so desired someone who did not hold my past against me, yet would use it to understand who I was and what my life could be. I most wanted a man who would hold me in the highest regard, treat me with respect and give me the love I deserved.
Then it happened, a prince in shining armor stepped off the silver screen and into my life. He leapt from the pages of a book and stole my heart. Flowers by the dozen were sent for no reason at all. Hours were spent talking on the phone about nothing, yet about everything. Impulsive trips were taken to see each other for a weekend. I was living a movie, only better than any movie I’d ever seen. He loved me for the same reasons that other men did not. .
So how did the movie end? Was it happily ever after? Yes; I married him.
The Dabbling Mum.com
There's beauty in movies; in the way they allow us to escape reality, to learn new things, and to dream new dreams. Yet, I can't help but wonder, shouldn't it be the other way around? Shouldn't our lives reflect the movies we've watched? If we watch what we believe, shouldn’t we be what we watch? And what about romance novels? Are we what we read? Do words take over where we leave off?
Years ago, a man told my dad that my current love relationship was not working because I read too many romance novels. He said that I wanted my life to be like the characters in a book. My dad’s response was quite unexpected. He replied that a love life can be like a romance novel, it should be like a romance novel. Love should be romantic. In other words, life can be full of romance and sweep-me-off-my-feet feelings. To this day, my father does not believe in Valentine’s Day as a special day for love. He believes that everyday is for love and everyday is another day to show it. He doesn’t buy flowers for my mom on Valentine’s Day; he buys them spontaneously throughout the year, for no reason at all. Isn’t that the best reason?
After contemplating my dad’s heartfelt philosophy, I decided that I wanted to live a romance novel, a chick flick movie; I was not going to settle for anything else. It would take over 10 years before love hit me like a movie that leaves you crying at the end, with silent tears streaming down your face. It was like watching a movie, dreaming that what happened in it would happen to you. It was like reading a book that was written by someone who read your mind and knew how you wanted it to end. I longed to be sent roses for no reason, to get tingly all over from the sound of a man’s voice and to miss someone so much that I’d fly a few thousand miles to see him, if only for two days. I so desired someone who did not hold my past against me, yet would use it to understand who I was and what my life could be. I most wanted a man who would hold me in the highest regard, treat me with respect and give me the love I deserved.
Then it happened, a prince in shining armor stepped off the silver screen and into my life. He leapt from the pages of a book and stole my heart. Flowers by the dozen were sent for no reason at all. Hours were spent talking on the phone about nothing, yet about everything. Impulsive trips were taken to see each other for a weekend. I was living a movie, only better than any movie I’d ever seen. He loved me for the same reasons that other men did not. .
So how did the movie end? Was it happily ever after? Yes; I married him.
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